The Gatepost Editorial: You deserve to be loved this Valentine’s Day

By The Gatepost Editorial Board This Valentine’s Day, couples will gather to celebrate each other and the beauty of their relationships. While Valentine’s Day often entails cheesy greeting cards, colorful bouquets, and copious amounts of chocolate, not everyone’s Valentine’s Day will be celebrated with a romantic candle-lit dinner or a cozy night in. Domestic abuse is a largely unseen problem for many people in college, and they may not know how to identify or escape from it. College students’ first real relationships can be all-consuming, and the added pressure of figuring themselves out can lead to vulnerability. And this inexperience can make them more susceptible to predatory relationships. Some toxic behaviors and early signs of abuse can include your partner restricting access to your friends and family, acting colder to you in private, love bombing, and exhibiting other manipulative tendencies. Recognizing these patterns can be challenging, but not impossible. If you suspect you or someone you know is in an abusive or toxic relationship, there are many local and national services equipped to help you - all free of charge - even here at Framingham State. The Counseling Center offers weekly counseling sessions and walk-in appointments. A counselor may help you evaluate the state of your relationship and assist you in addressing any problems or tensions between you and your partner. Taking a closer look at your relationship can aid you in processing your feelings about those you care about. Counselors can also provide insights into issues you may not realize you are having - dynamics you think are normal just because you’ve never been told otherwise. The Health Center also recommends several local off-campus resources, including Advocates Psychiatric Emergency Services, which offers 24/7 support via telephone, and Voices Against Violence, a social services organization in Framingham, which can provide support for those struggling with domestic abuse concerns. You can call their free, 24-hour hotline at 508-626-8686. Framingham State’s Sexual Harassment and Assault Prevention and Education (SHAPE) also aims to prevent domestic abuse on campus via education. According to their page on the Framingham State website, SHAPE serves as a “central source of information for the prevention and education of sexual harassment, sexual violence, relationship violence, and stalking including as it relates to Title IX, the Campus SaVE Act, the Clery Act, and University policy.” Their page provides a wide range of information, definitions of words that often come up in conversations about domestic and sexual violence, and the contact information for Title IX coordinators for students if they need to report any inappropriate or concerning behavior. S.E.A.L.S. Peer Health Educators occasionally host tables in the McCarthy Center to educate students on the signs of unhealthy relationships. Resources for domestic abuse are all over campus, including pull tabs in bathroom stalls advertising the national hotline numbers as well as the campus Health Center. Domestic abuse is more common than you might realize. We at The Gatepost are grateful to live in a community that is dedicated to keeping students safe and offers so many valuable services. One of the most important resources people can turn to if they find themselves in an unhealthy or abusive relationship is friends and family. Abusers often use the manipulation tactic of shielding you from your friends to foster isolation or make you feel guilty for spending time away from them. It is important to remember that your friends still care about you. You have people who are there for you outside of your relationships. If your partner makes you feel bad for dedicating time to your friendships or family, that is a massive red flag. If you find yourself seeing any of these signs of toxic behavior in your current relationship, know that you are not alone. It can be difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship, but you will be better in the long run once you free yourself from it. The Gatepost recognizes and supports survivors of domestic abuse. On average, it takes about seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can get out, and there are numerous people and resources you can turn to for support. It’s better to have no valentine than one who hurts you.