Tell them you love them

Ronnie Chiu-Lin / THE GATEPOST

By Emma Lyons Editorial Staff In my 20s, I’ve become comfortable expressing how I feel - good, bad, and everything in between. I was not always this way. As a teen, I would hide every emotion I believed I would get judged for. The emotions I would hide the most were romantic. Twelve-year-old Emma would rather have died than have told that one boy she liked him. While my fellow classmates were having their first kisses and first relationships, I was trying to hide any crush I had - and I was probably doing a bad job. My fear of rejection controlled my entire middle- and high-school life. It is a super isolating feeling in the moment but looking back, I now know it’s very common. According to an article published by the University of South Wales, “‘Social rejection’, as it’s known in psychology, is an innate fear that we’re programmed on an evolutionary level to avoid.” Everyone has a fear of rejection - no one enjoys being rejected, romantically or socially - it is ingrained in our minds and our society. While humans have this innate fear as a way to protect ourselves, we can’t allow it to control our lives or stop us from going after what we want. Two years ago, I had a crush on a friend and decided to tell him I liked him. I was terrified and scared it would ruin our friendship, but I told him anyway. He initially said he didn’t want to date me because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Even though it was horrible to hear in the moment, I actually felt better after getting rejected. The weight of trying to hide how I felt and wondering every second what he thought of me was finally off my chest. I didn’t have that excessive worry. I was super lucky, though, and a week later he told me, “I like being around you too much.” He said he did want to be in a relationship with me. After two years of dating, I still wonder if we would have ended up together if he didn’t reject me the night I told him how I felt. This isn’t to say that everyone you ask out is going to magically realize how cool and hot you are a week after rejecting you. But maybe that person you have a “situationship” with or who texts you non-stop might also like you back. You’ll never know unless you make the first step. You can’t always sit and wait for the person you like to ask you out. I spent my entire time in high school doing that and all I got out of it was being led on three times - by the same guy. Being open about your feelings and being open to rejection is the only solution. It’s terrifying and overwhelming in the moment, but it feels so much better to get the weight off your chest. Plus, it’s not worth your time to put all your energy into someone who doesn’t like you. Getting rejected is just a door closing that was never actually opened. Moving on from someone who isn’t interested in you will help you find someone who actually is - which is what you deserve. Pushing back against fears of rejection aren’t exclusive to romantic relationships either. Everyone has that one friend they only talk to in class - ask them if they want to grab Dunkin’s after class, or hang out over the weekend. They might say yes, and you could form a new friendship. Ask the group you hear in the dining hall talking about your favorite show if you can join in on the conversation. If you see a girl wearing a shirt or shoes you have been looking to get, ask her where she got it. There are so many opportunities to share your feelings every single day. Most of them are passed up because we are afraid of social rejection. You can’t let a little rejection hold you back from sharing who you are. If you open yourself up to it, you never know who might say yes. Even if the answer is no, you’ll be better for it.