Sorry isn’t enough

By Sophia Harris Editor-in-Chief We have all been there. Skipped class and forgotten to tell your classmate. Taken something out of your sibling’s room. Used an excuse to cancel plans that maybe wasn't completely true. This feeling that starts in your chest and crawls up the back of your throat to invade any quiet space in your brain. This feeling is called guilt. It tends to bubble up when you do something that goes against religious, moral, or cultural values. This is not a new feeling for us. The National Institute of Health states that complex self-conscious emotions, such as guilt, may be experienced as early as 2 or 3 years of age. Guilt, in many ways, is a byproduct of the culture in which we live. We’re constantly told we should be doing more, achieving more, and being more - for others and for ourselves. In this environment, failure isn’t just seen as a setback - it’s often perceived as a character flaw. There's little room for a mistake, no space for the grace we all need to simply be human. Guilt is not inherently bad. It shows you have a conscience and some part of you may regret what transpired. This justification might look different for everyone. While we can all agree that cheating is bad and donating to charity is good, there is a gray area within every scenario which is where the difference in perception kicks in. The problem, however, arises when we mistake guilt for moral purity. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking feeling guilty automatically makes us “good people.” But that’s not the case. Simply “feeling bad” about something you’ve done doesn’t get rid of the harm caused. What I argue is that it’s not about your guilt. Just feeling guilty does not make you a good person.

Think about it: how many times have we heard, or even said to ourselves, the following:

“I feel bad.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“I’m sorry.”

These words, though well-intentioned, are hollow if they are not backed by genuine reflection and action.

The truth is, your guilt doesn’t purify you.

You can’t apologize just because you feel bad about what happened. Apologizing for your own emotional relief isn’t the same as making amends for someone else’s pain.

True accountability doesn’t come from simply expressing regret. It requires action. It’s about acknowledging what you did and making a conscious, earnest effort to change your behavior.

Apologies, when they truly matter, are not delivered through a text or a passive “sorry.” They require a face-to-face conversation with the person you’ve wronged - a conversation in which you take full responsibility for your actions and listen to the other person’s feelings without defending yourself or minimizing their hurt.

You have to consider other perspectives because forgiveness is the antidote for guilt. Guilt should be a motivator for you to change your ways, not for you to feel better. And the way to do that is to first acknowledge, fully, what you have done and make a conscious effort to apologize for your actions or lack thereof. But here's the catch - even after you’ve acknowledged your wrongs and offered a sincere apology, forgiveness doesn’t lie with you. You can’t demand forgiveness, and you can’t expect it immediately. It’s not up to you whether the person you’ve hurt forgives you. That is entirely their choice. And if they choose not to forgive, that doesn’t absolve you of the guilt. Instead, it’s an opportunity for deeper growth and reflection.

Guilt is a powerful tool for self-improvement - but only if we use it wisely. It should motivate us to change, not to soothe our own discomfort.

If we let guilt sit as a lingering feeling without seeking to amend our actions, we only trap ourselves in a cycle of regret without progress.

Instead of letting guilt fester, let it serve as a catalyst for growth. Use it as an opportunity to reflect on how you can be better - not just for your own peace of mind, but for the people you impact.

In the end, guilt is not about feeling bad - it’s about doing better.

In a world that constantly pressures us to achieve, to be perfect, and to never fail, guilt reminds us that we are human - and that’s OK.

What matters is how we respond to it.

Are we willing to use our guilt as a stepping stone toward change? Or will we allow it to paralyze us with regret?

Use your guilt to grow.