By Emily Monaco Editorial Staff Making friends in college is hard, regardless of where you come from or who you are. Whether you're more introverted or a social butterfly, it can be hard to form healthy friendships. The best place to start is in class. Maybe you sit next to someone who has added some cool stuff to the class discussion - that's a great way to connect with people. You can also join clubs or attend open events and meet people there. I’ve met many of my friends through club events, especially the newspaper. It might seem intimidating, but at the end of the day, you’re all figuring out how to be people together. The hardest thing about creating friendships is knowing what healthy ones look like. During college, you may find it difficult to pick good people to surround yourself with. There was a time when I didn't set boundaries and surrounded myself with people who didn't treat me with respect or kindness. For the longest time, I struggled to make friends. Some people were extremely judgmental and overly critical - others never wanted to spend time with me or they’d talk behind my back. Then after working with the Counseling Center, I was able to set up firm boundaries and surround myself with good people. Having healthy and firm boundaries is extremely important in any relationship. What does a good friend look like to you? I made a checklist for myself of boundaries and expectations, which I highly recommend to anyone who struggles with maintaining healthy relationships of any kind! Here's an example: What I look for in a good friend: respectful of my feelings and body, loyalty in situations where I am being mistreated, holding me accountable when I am making mistakes, sharing kind words with me, making time to hang out, and helping each other the best way we can when I ask for it. Having a list can help you get your thoughts organized. It can be hard to figure out what you want in a good friendship, especially if you have a hard time creating and maintaining those connections. An example of an unhealthy friendship could be if you’re asking for help when someone is mistreating you and your friends refuse to help you, whether that be by confronting the person or supporting you emotionally. Another example would be if you set a firm boundary that you don't like to be touched without being asked, but they continue to touch you and hug you each time you see them. Good friends support one another and are respectful of each other. There’s no hierarchy or power dynamic between people. If you’re struggling to learn how to set boundaries with friends, a great place to go for support is the Counseling Center on campus! They’re very kind and super helpful. There you can get the tools to form healthy relationships. If someone is treating you poorly, address it, and if they don't respect you or your boundaries and refuse to communicate, cut them right out. You want to have fun meeting new people and feel cherished by one another! Making friends is hard, and maintaining relationships can be even harder. You don't want to surround yourself with people who just tolerate you. You want people who genuinely enjoy your company and love who you are. By setting healthy boundaries and expectations with one another you can have some pretty amazing friends.
