Let’s talk about domestic violence

By Kaitlin Carman Editorial Staff While covering Voices Against Violence’s Purple Passion 5K for a news article, I had an incredible opportunity to speak with volunteers, participants, community leaders, and quite a few of Framingham State’s Faculty - Officer Andrew Frimpong, Kim Dexter, and Meg Nowak Borrego to name just a few. After hearing their stories of support, survival, and the importance of raising awareness of domestic violence, I found myself fighting back waves of emotions that, for years, I have been struggling with myself. It means a lot to know that there is truly such a strong network of support both on campus and within the community. I think a lot of people do not truly understand how prevalent domestic and relationship violence is. It is not just in T.V. shows and movies. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s website, “An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States - more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year.” For all you know, your sibling, parent, friend, neighbor, classmate, student, or coworker could be struggling with domestic violence. I did. I tried to brush off some of the red flags. At first, some only seemed minor or questionable. “Maybe I am taking this the wrong way?” It quickly shifted from fearing to have an uncomfortable conversation with my partner about unhealthy behaviors to fearing for my life. The night I found the courage to end our relationship, I was at the mall with my sister. That night was the first night home alone ever, as our parents were spending a night down in Cape Cod for a wedding. I did it over the phone, out of fear that he would physically harm me if I did it in person. He started blowing up my phone - dozens and dozens of texts, back-to-back missed calls, and spam messages on Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. The harassment was relentless, so I blocked him, and immediately felt a heavy weight on my chest and a churning sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was terrified. I knew immediately that something was very wrong, and something was telling me to not go home. I parked at Walmart and sat in the car with my sister in silence for a couple hours. We could not shake this feeling of fear. I called and asked my neighbor, Mike, if he would make sure that my ex had not gone to my house. I told him not to tell anyone what he was doing because I was embarrassed to be that afraid. He checked every room and closet and found nothing. I asked him to check it again with us once we came home. Every room was still clear. Then we got to my bedroom, I opened the closet and saw his arm sticking out of a blanket. He was hiding and waiting. In horror, I pretended to not see it, slowly shut the door, and mouthed to my sister and Mike to get out and get Mike’s father. When we returned to my house, he came down from my room. In fear for my life, I grabbed a kitchen knife and screamed for him to leave. Which, with the help of Mike’s father, he reluctantly did. I locked the doors after he left and called the police from Mike’s house. I was so afraid and caught up in the moment that I told the dispatcher or officer who answered the phone that I did not want to press charges. I was afraid it would make things worse and I was humiliated at the thought of other people knowing about my situation. Going to look for evidence with the Framingham police officers, my closet was empty, but a note that had not been there previously said, “I love you … I am in the closet.” Immediately after, the police found him hiding in my bedroom crawlspace. I believed then - and to this day - that if he was not found by police and arrested that night, that he was going to rape and kill us. Despite being briefly incarcerated and being served with a restraining order, he would not leave me alone. He violated the restraining order over a dozen times, stalked me, and left gifts and notes on my car when we were away. Then he tried to break in again. A neighbor called the police after they saw him trying to break into our kitchen window. Dozens of officers arrived, chased him over a fence and through the cemetery next to my house. Looking back on these events now, I am glad that I called the police that night and got the help that I needed. I wish I had been more knowledgeable about resources like Voices Against Violence. I believe I could have created a safer exit strategy with a professional and perhaps received counseling before and after leaving that relationship. It upsets me to think about the events that took place that night. However, I think it is really important that survivors share their stories. By breaking the silence, we can break the stigma surrounding domestic violence, encourage victims to seek support without judgment, and advocate for policies and fundraisers to provide them with support and services, and promote healing. Thank you Voices Against Violence, Framingham State University, and SEALS for promoting such a caring and supportive environment for students, faculty, and citizens who might be struggling with intimate partner violence. The support you have shown both on campus and within the community has such a profound impact on the lives of many. It is because of you that I feel empowered and compelled to share my story. Voices Against Violence provides invaluable resources to victims and their families. Thank you for all the work that you do. I will be participating in the Purple Passion 5K next year. If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic violence, please do not suffer in silence. When you are ready, please contact Voices Against Violence at 1 (800) 593-1125 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233.