By Liv Dunleavy Asst. Arts and Features Editor If anyone reading this ever was or still is a fan of the classic graphic novel “Captain Underpants,” man do I have news for you. BREAKING NEWS, in fact, all delivered to us straight from rising news broadcaster Sarah Hatoff. “Dog Man” is the pinnacle of extremely fun, action-packed, super evil silliness any family-friendly movie could offer. I, a fully grown adult, and both of my adult friends who came to watch it with me, found ourselves laughing, tearing up, full-on crying, and then immediately shouting at the movie for emotional whiplash. The facts you need to know are that Knight (human) and Greg (his dog) were partners on the police force, an incredible and well-known duo. With Knight’s ability to utilize opposable thumbs, and Greg’s brains, they’d be unstoppable if they were to combine. Well, here’s the news: Petey - the rampant, evil, and conniving cat - finally made his own worst nightmare come true. In a quite comical scene, his plan to finally blow up Knight and Greg - and eliminate his enemies - falters, as Petey instead creates the perfect concoction for the hospital’s doctors to stitch Greg’s head to Knight’s body, thus becoming Dog Man! This is where things go down - multiple times. Dog Man is the hero that the city needed to defeat Petey! Every one of Petey’s plans is squashed, demolished, and thwarted by Dog Man’s brilliance. Although, while everyone celebrates Dog Man’s accomplishments, he finds his own life to be less than celebratory. Knight’s girlfriend left him after the surgery and Greg lost his own best friend in the process. Dog Man is lonely and also unfortunately homeless. After moving into a smaller house outside of the city, and a really sad montage that made me cry, we pan to Petey’s super-secret-and-totally-not-super-obvious hideout to learn his big evil plan - if no one else is as evil as himself he will just have to create an evil Petey clone. If I have learned anything at the age of 22, it’s to always read the - whole - instructions before starting a project. Petey must not have learned that life lesson, because his clone comes out of the machine a little undercooked - introducing Li’l Petey! This young clone is the essence of innocence, undoubtedly proving that we are not born evil, even if your papa is the evil-est cat this side of town. With never-ending questions of “why?” Li’l Petey makes his way through his first day on Earth questioning every evil thing his papa does, turning out to be an inherent annoyance that Petey cannot deal with. Leaving Li’l Petey abandoned, Petey makes progress on his new master plan - to defeat Dog Man once and for all. The end of the movie is equipped with multiple hilarious montages, and a few heartbreaking ones, but is mostly action-packed and fast paced. The emotional whiplash I mentioned earlier is not for the faint of heart. I was crying then laughing and then sobbing and then screaming? Like what does this movie want from me! The jokes are top tier and delivered with impeccable timing, although some were definitely for adult audiences. At one point Petey tells Li’l Petey he’s “going to get some milk.” I burst out laughing. His excuse was because he’s a cat. If I could put emojis in a newspaper I would put six crying emojis right here. But also the deepness they are able to convey in a children’s film moves me. The world can be mud puddles, pollution, and weeds, but it can never be a horrible place, because it can be a home, a family, or a friendship that makes life worth it. All in all this movie seems silly from the trailer - it definitely might seem like it’s just for the kids - but if you’ve got even a spark of joy left in your cold, dead, adult heart - try watching “Dog Man” in theaters or at home when it goes to streaming.