Insomnia's invitation

By Alexis Schlesinger Editorial Staff When you express the inability to find a solution to a problem, many people will tell you to “think outside the box.” What they don’t tell you, however, is that there is no box. The implication of “thinking outside the box” only presents two options. Inside or outside. As human beings, we are being bombarded by information all the time. This is partly due to our consumption of media continuously being pushed to run faster, reach farther, scare, inspire, protect, defend, rally, inform, connect. It is also due to our innate urge to create. Where can we possibly put all of it? Inside, or outside? If we try to fit it all inside, won’t it overflow? If it does overflow, where does the inside end and the outside begin? If we put it all outside, where are we even putting it? How far does outside the box go? There is no box. Alongside the overconsumption forced upon us, is the alarming normalization of instant gratification. Creating with the intention of efficiency and accessibility is being confused with gaining instantaneity. People are much more concerned with the product, so much that they do not care to acknowledge the process behind success. Critical thinking is at an all time low. Most people are not even aware that they aren’t thinking critically, because it is so normalized to reach instant gratification. Following the comprehension of a single thought, many people instinctively label it as outside this “box” we’re told about. This thought is an amalgamation of everything before it. Still, they take this complete and “unattached” thought and hold it in the palm of their hand. They set it down in the emptiness right beside this box that’s been made up and move on. There is no box. Throughout Earth’s history, and the existence of human beings upon it, it’s been repeatedly proven that “boundaries” can always be pushed further. New creations can always exist. We are always continuing. We have proved to ourselves, in some paradoxical way, that these boundaries we are pushing do not exist. Humans will chase the unknown, find what has not yet been found. We push until we finally come to a creation that has not yet existed. Another step forward. For whatever reason, humans also need a tangible antagonist. Rather than recognize there are endless possibilities, it is much more digestible to assign something to push against, take victory over. Something we can prove wrong, or more importantly; something that will prove that we are right. We need walls to push against, to break down, to climb over. To become outside of. Until we reach the next wall. There are no walls. There is no box. I am too serious. I am too emotional. I take things too far. I make things too deep. I make things complicated. I present ideas that require too much work. I have too many opinions. I spend too much time in my own head. I overthink things. Yes, and - You underthink things. Your existence is proof of undefinable knowledge. If you attempted to fill a book with all your knowledge you would never be able to finish it. As you wrote it, you would also continuously gain more knowledge. It insists upon itself. On top of this, there is an unfathomable amount of history that existed before you. The “proof” of boundaries being broken countless times is also proof that they were never really there. Boundaries are not being broken. We don’t leave broken walls behind us. There is only creation, which brings light to the path in front of us. How can I take things too far when there is no such “too far” to take anything? The acknowledgment of the unknown is what makes it knowable. Have you figured it out yet, as I talk in circles? There is no box. There are no boundaries. There is only an infinite spiral. Accept its infinity, follow it, bring light with every step you take along it. In its infinity, there are endless spiraling paths for you to follow. This may sound similar to the “butterfly effect.” It does follow that theory that every choice, no matter how small, leads you to exactly where you are today. I am asking of you to also recognize the infinity in the choices you didn’t make, and those you are yet to make. Throughout my own life, I eventually got comfortable in my own head. I can only describe my thoughts like there’s five different trains speeding back and forth while my racing thoughts jump across tracks into passing cars. Because of this, I spent, and still spend, a lot of time daydreaming, overthinking, repeatedly recalling interactions. Spiraling. People told me I was “stuck in my own head” or “lost in my own world.” Because of this I tried to stick to simpler emotions, conclusions, and interactions. I tried to shove down my complications and ignore how strongly I existed. However, as I mentioned before, there is no box. There is nothing with any sort of boundaries to keep everything inside of. So I let myself “get stuck.” I followed my spirals into their darkest places until I created light. The further I went, the more I could see. After recognizing these spirals, and their infinity, it is implied there must be points everyone intersects. I continue to bring light to my spiral, and find myself discovering crossroads and intersections where mine meets someone else’s. Analyzing everything as far as I possibly can led me to a greater understanding of other people and the way they understand the world. It is a continuous cycle. Learn your innermost spiral. Continue to follow it forever. Keep in mind you do not have to know yourself in your entirety, and you should not focus on “knowing yourself first” before following the spirals of those around you. There is no first, second, third, or so forth when learning the inner workings of human existence. Only alongside. Be willing to accept other people’s requests to guide you through their spiral. Let people explain to you how they understand things. Listen carefully. Taking offense to another person’s expression may cause them to turn the lights back off. Your knowledge is a collection. You are never taking in something new to throw away something old. You have to put thoughts side by side, and examine them carefully. Break them down into their finest parts without worrying about putting them back together. Get to the core of what you’ve collected, and acknowledge all the little pieces that make the thought what it is. It is always made of those pieces, together, or not. Keep this collection growing. You won’t run out of space. There is no box. I don’t want you to feel like I have thrown my thoughts into your collection with no rhyme or reason. The increasing rate of our consumption is scary because thoughts and ideas are being thrown into our space. Your carefully arranged collection of thoughts feel shaken and disrupted by the constant bombardment. It creates a huge confusing mess inside, one that feels impossible to clean up. Where do you start to organize it? Should you line up all the complete thoughts before breaking them down? Or do you break them down one by one as you arrange them? Which spiral should you follow first? And will it lead you back to a mess that still needs organizing? I want to carefully place a few more thoughts I have collected for you, ideas that will hopefully help you process the mess that is thrown at us every day. Break everything down. Breaking everything down and acknowledging different levels of use will give you a clear idea of its most meaningful application. Even if the most impactful use of a thought turns out to be its simplest and most digestible form, understanding that it goes deeper will remind you that it is infinite and can be continuously applied. Don’t be afraid to state things plainly. Be blunt. Dancing around your intentions in fear of making people upset will overwhelm them, because your true meaning will need to be processed after they break down all its extra padding. You aren’t pleasing people, you are enabling them to not understand you. You are enabling people to allow your extra padding to overwhelm them and throw away your point before even reaching it. To be blunt and plain with you now: there simply is no wrong way to do it. As long as you continue to work toward further understanding, you are doing something right. Each step forward is creation. I want to leave you with this invitation. If anything I have said to you has reached you or resonated with you in any way, if you have taken even the smallest piece of this and feel confident in its placement in your collection, then I have not ever struggled. Insomnia keeping me awake isn’t to tire me, but to enlighten me. My racing thoughts that move too fast for my mouth to keep up with do not tire my legs when I chase them. Everything has led me to write this, it has led you to read and feel something about it. Now I lay in the dark with you and invite you to share my insomnia. To share my spiral. If you want, I will even hold your hand. We will lie here and stare at the ceiling in the dark, until we remember that it is dark because the ceiling isn’t actually there, because there are no boundaries. There is no box.