‘A Minecraft Movie’ doesn’t square up

Ronnie Chiu-Lin / THE GATEPOST

By Kristel Erguiza Staff Writer There have been a lot of bad movies about video games, and “A Minecraft Movie” is no exception to that rule. I watched “A Minecraft Movie” after opening day, and the theater was still fresh with enthusiasm and laughter. The audience mainly consisted of parents with kids or college students, which gave me the impression that I’d be in for a long ride. “A Minecraft Movie” starred an ensemble cast with Jack Black as Steve, Jason Momoa as Garret Garrison, Emma Myers as Natalie, Sebastian Hansen as Henry, Danielle Brooks as Dawn, and Jennifer Coolidge as Marlene. I liked the cast, but I felt like the story could still have been the same without Momoa’s or Myers’ characters. “A Minecraft Movie” opens with Jack Black talking about how he “yearned for the mines” as a child and as an adult, decided to fulfill that journey. After finding “the orb” in a cave, he became engulfed in the Overworld, a place where blocks and creativity rule! At the same time we are introduced to Momoa’s character Garrett, a gamer who runs his own game store and struggles with money problems, and Henry who has just moved to a new town with his sister Natalie. Black’s performance was funny. I have always enjoyed his comedic timing and how he acts, having seen “School of Rock,” and “Shallow Hal” when I was younger. So I guess nostalgia plays a factor as well. Jared Hess, the director, also directed “Nacho Libre” with Black, which had its own problems. What I really hated the most though? How the female characters had no depth. It felt like watching paint dry whenever they would be on screen. I never watched “Wednesday,” so I have not seen Myers in other roles, but this script was just not it for her. Brooks' character felt the same, disingenuous and lacking depth. Despite the bright colors and funny jokes that had the theater laughing so hard, I couldn’t get over how insane the plot was. Running at one hour and 41 minutes, the pacing felt too fast and really rushed. “Chicken jockey,” “the Nether,” and “flint and steel,” amongst other memes, were uttered in my theater and while it made me laugh, it started to annoy me once the little kids shouted louder than the actual movie just for a meme that’ll be forgotten in a few months. The homages to certain in-game characters (commonly known as mobs), gameplay elements such as blocks (some are called ores), and some surprises along the way made the movie somewhat better and enjoyable. I feel like they could’ve added everything from the game but it still did not feel complete. I think that despite some surprises in this short movie, it felt unfinished! The animation felt so uncanny. When watching the trailer and seeing the infamous “chicken jockey” meme with the baby zombie, I felt uncomfortable looking at it. Seeing it in the theater? I felt like slinking back into my chair and closing my eyes to rid myself of what I just saw. It was such a shame for Mojang and Hess to decide to make the zombies look lifelike. I saw no other mobs really besides the heavily advertised pink sheep, which sucked because I wish I saw some pigs and cows and animals in the water! This movie’s script? Felt like ChatGPT wrote it. Predictable, lazy, and outright dumb. This concept has been overdone so many times, but to do it with “Minecraft”? Insanity. The only thing holding this movie together was how short it was and the soundtrack. I enjoyed the soundtrack giving respect to “Minecraft’s” original music created by C418. It saved the movie from being an absolute bomb. The movie poster - why is Momoa on the front? It should’ve been Black or Hansen, and not a character with qualities that do not resemble a true main character. “A Minecraft Movie” being advertised with “be as creative as you can!” and collaborating with McDonald’s to create a Happy Meal and a regular exclusive Minecraft Meal was honestly annoying. I loved the meal, don’t get me wrong, but the advertising everywhere was an eyesore. Yes I understand this movie was primarily made for kids, but what about the adults who grew up playing “Minecraft”? Knowing that this was our only “Minecraft” movie that we might get in our lifetimes and it being reduced to a meme about a baby zombie on a chicken or Black saying random items in “Minecraft,” I cannot believe it. I loved playing “Minecraft” as a kid, and even now I still play the game when I can, but this movie does not represent the “Minecraft” universe at all. It just seems like a cash grab like most movies based on games are today. Rating: C- I’d rather be in the Nether than watch this movie