Put those rainbow sprinkles away

By Ashley Wall, Editor-in-Chief

By Donald Halsing, Editorial Staff

The “sprinkles vs. jimmies” debate has consumed the minds of New Englanders for generations.

Most often, confectionary enthusiasts might consider “sprinkles” to be tiny, colorful pieces of delight, while “jimmies” refer to the chocolatey nuggets of goodness.

A bad selection at the ice cream shop will leave you immediately disappointed – choosing the wrong sprinkle flavor could haunt you for decades.

However, we don’t care about what your great Aunt Sue from Back Bay names sprinkles.

We know that – regardless of flavor – the popular topping should be called sprinkles, not jimmies.

What we should really be focusing on is the rainbow vs. chocolate debate. Which sprinkle flavor ranks supreme?

The two contenders have the same shape and size, but their colors and consistency vary greatly.

Chocolate sprinkles are infused with cocoa, which gives them the taste we all crave and a little something extra atop your classic vanilla ice cream.

Their smooth texture and crunch provide foodies with the opportunity to satisfy their chocolate desires.

The challenger – rainbow sprinkles – may dress the top of your ice cream with many colors, but they don’t add anything special to your dessert.

Whether your sweets turn out like Rachel Ray’s, Martha Stewart’s, or something out of Netflix’s “Nailed It,” chocolate sprinkles will be the savior to all of your baking desires.

Rainbow sprinkles atop disastrous desserts look like a preschooler’s art project, while chocolate sprinkles blend in well and provide a sophisticated touch.

Millennials and Gen-Z, if you define your kitchen skills as subpar – we’re with you! Chocolate sprinkles provide the ease of opening a plastic cap and pouring them atop your Ben and Jerry’s.

While pouring rainbow sprinkles provides this same satisfying action, they also contribute an unfortunate addition to your bowl of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

Although the colors may seem magical living along an ice cream counter, don’t let their appearances fool you.

Rainbow sprinkles have no flavor whatsoever: they are tiny flavorless lumps consisting of corn starch, carnauba wax, and artificial colors – yum!

Let’s be real: rainbow sprinkles are lacking in all areas. Just like a dropped ice cream cone, rainbow sprinkles ultimately end in disappointment.

Even in baking, the rainbow variety offers no fun to funfetti, but instead a strange crunch in your favorite birthday cake.

It’s time to settle this argument once and for all.

The verb “sprinkle” means to scatter or pour drops or particles over something. Do you really want to be dropping flavorless chunks of corn starch and wax over your ice cream?

Which confectionary delights you sprinkle on your desserts says something important about you. Sprinkles are a tool used to make other foods better – choose your sprinkle wisely!

Chocolate sprinkles offer a splash of gusto to anything they fall upon. Rainbow sprinkles detract from the dishes they desecrate, forming a barrier of sugary nothingness sulking in the way of spoons digging for dessert.

Think of the spoons! Shoving your scooper into a pile of rainbow sprinkles is an inhumane crime!

Whether you spread your sprinkles over frozen treats or drop your delights into cake batter, picking the wrong type of sprinkle could lead to disappointment for you and those around you.

So, the next time you head to your favorite ice cream shop remember this: the screaming toddler is upset for a reason. 

Choosing between sprinkle flavors is hard! 

Pick the right sprinkle.

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