Dear retail stores: your holiday spirit is driving us crazy

By Ashley Wall

Associate Editor

By Donald Halsing

Editorial Staff

Holidays are exciting occasions which spice up the year. They are full of laughter and joy, and are a chance to show off your holiday spirit through decoration.

Carved pumpkins and Christmas trees are both wonderful, but not when simultaneously thrown in your face like confetti.

We get it – each holiday brings new and exciting moments. But let’s not rush too quickly through each calendar year.

Retail stores are the first offenders to jump on this bandwagon. With future holidays displayed much in advance and current holidays already on clearance, it’s difficult to keep up with the ever-changing arrangement of stores.

As it turns out, Christmas in July is actually an excuse to start buying decorations for December before they sell out.

Need supplies for the next school year? No worries! You can stock up in May before your kids are even out for the summer.

When elementary school kids are trading Valentine’s Day grams, their parents are stocking up on Easter chocolate.

This is absurd.

We visit Michael’s craft store frequently. It’s confusing to walk in and experience Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween at the same time.

It is infuriating to go into a store in October with the only decorations available to purchase being Christmas ornaments.

But wait! There’s more!

You don’t even have to go into a store – Christmas decorations already have their own tab on the Michael’s website.

That’s a bit premature, don’t you think?

If you believe Michael’s is the only store giving into the consumer culture – you’re wrong.

Target has strung their magical twinkling Christmas lights next to their dwindling Halloween display.

How are we supposed to shop for excessive strands of orange and purple bulbs when the store is distracting us with disco-light snow globes?

The poor pumpkin display is going to rot while shoppers flock to other holiday sections. Think of the wasted pumpkins!

At the end of September, all the Halloween decorations in stores are marked down or clearanced, when spooky season hasn’t even begun.

The final months of the year aren’t the only times when stores jump the gun on selling supplies. Back-to-school products hit the shelves before the previous school year ends.

When we should be shopping for bathing suits, our faces are shoved into piles of pencils and notebooks.

Children and college students alike are 

unable to enjoy their summer break when school looms in the corner of Target like a creepy stalker, beckoning them to stock up on notebooks and erasers.

And we can’t forget the second holiday gauntlet shoppers must brave: spring.

First there’s Valentine’s Day. Then comes St. Patrick’s Day. And Easter hops into town soon after.

You would think lovers could focus exclusively on cute cards and candy in February, but instead they’re getting slammed with freakish leprechauns and Easter egg decorating kits.

Unfortunately, as consumers, we are so used to these absurdities, we don’t even glance twice at the untimely displays. Instead we walk past and “ooh” and “aah” at their shiny objects and luring music.

It’s time to get smart about our retail shopping. We cannot hide within the comforts of Amazon online shopping forever.

Here is what we propose for retail stores:

Stop putting out decorations early. We know it drives your workers just as crazy as it does your consumers.

If you do choose to continue with this ungodly habit, please keep the current holiday’s decorations up for us to purchase.

We get it. Scary jack-o-lanterns, whimsical snow globes, and charming Valentine’s Day cards are just as exciting for you as they are for us. But please, enjoy the moment you are currently in.

Don’t let these evil retailers rush you through your joyous holidays.

And retailers – your holiday spirit is driving us crazy.

[Editor’s note: Gatepost Grievances is a bi-weekly column. The opinions of the authors do not reflect the opinions of the entire Gatepost staff.]