Bork Laser, please stop

It’s a Monday night, and you have the sudden urge to watch wrestling.

All of your favorite sitcoms are on hiatus, being replaced by reality competitions that generate viral discussions on the internet.

You have very few choices as to what you should do in this situation – watch wrestling or turn off the TV and do something else.

You choose to do the former, and you instantly feel something burning up within you.

A feeling of rage. 

A feeling of disgust.

You tuned in at the wrong time to WWE’s “Monday Night Raw.”

He’s coming down the ramp and heading into the ring. … And he has the Universal title belt again.

You groan, for things have been like this for the past four years, even if someone else won the aforementioned title belt slung over his right shoulder a month prior.

Brock Lesnar is here. Unfortunately. 

Now that I set the scene, I should probably get to explaining my disdain for this one particular individual, as well as the other individuals who enable this particular individual to thrive the way he does.

Imagine this: you’re an employee at, say, a Fortune 500 company. The catch is, you’re a part-time employee and you just so happen to have a very important role within that company – say, a lead project designer. 

You have the most authority. You have all the power. You’re the dominating force among all the other project designers who, given that you’re in the same company as them, you have to work in tandem with.

However, get this, you’re allowed to appear only on certain days, specifically big meetings and staff parties, once per month.

That’s not a lot of appearances, right? Wouldn’t you start to question why you’re not there every week?

This is the life of Lesnar, and that’s why I’m writing this out of frustration.

Thankfully, at the moment, Seth Rollins is the Universal Champion on “Raw,” which means I can watch it again without groaning my vocal cords out.

However, Rollins’ success comes with a heavy toll, especially given this past Tuesday’s events on “SmackDown,” where Lesnar – and his lead confidant, Paul Heyman – moseyed their way into the “SmackDown” Hotel and checked in, their sights on that brand’s WWE Champion, Kofi Kingston, just two days after his latest victory.


This encounter, inspired by the network move that “SmackDown” is going to Undertake next month – from USA Network to Fox – is, like most things related to wrestling, tied to a sweet financial deal. 

I’m not sure if this is what Fox and WWE want, but this is only going to make Lesnar’s detractors want to stay away from the “blue brand,” mainly because they’re tired of watching the same stuff from Lesnar.

F-5, suplex, another F-5, another suplex. 

Suplex, suplex, suplex. 

Critics say John Cena is a man of “five moves?” Lesnar, in my mind’s eye, is a man of just two that, truly, make an impact. 

When it comes to wrestling, especially when it is televised, that minimalism just won’t cut it for the fans. 

Only dedicated, full-time workers deserve any of the company’s championships, not some part-timer who’s just trying to relive his glory days before the UFC. 

Then again, he doesn’t even show up for that, either.

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