SEXetera: A hairy situation

It’s about time we have a conversation about pubes.

That’s right, the hair that grows around your genitals. Vaginas usually have hair that grows on the area surrounding the labia and can reach down to the upper thigh. Penises usually grow hair around the base of the shaft and the testicles, but can also grow on the lower part of the shaft.

And let me tell you a secret, pubes are important.

They wouldn’t exist if they weren’t, they give us a mating advantage and they help keep our bodies safe.

“But how!?”

Let me tell you.

All of our body hair serves a purpose – the hair on our head keeps us from getting sunburned, the hair on our eyebrows keeps sweat out of our eyes, and the hair on our toes helps us be sneaky when Gandalf needs us to do something dangerous.

Our pubes are no different. First off, they help us build a “scent profile,” a tool used for centuries by human beings that helps us find a suitable mate that will give us the strongest offspring. The hair collects all the pheromones that leach out of our skin, and this chemical cocktail tells potential partners all about our immune system and genetic diversity, according to the CDC.

As a survival trait, we are attracted to people with a different immune system than our own, because it means that the offspring will have a mix of both.

Those inherited immunities bring all the boys to the yard.

People with penises have an external reproductive organ and their pubes are generally thicker around the testicles, an adaptation that helps keep the sperm inside from dying in the cold. Pubic hair is one of the things trying to keep people with penises fertile, according to Men’s Health Magazine.

If only our current political administration was as useful as pubes.

People with vaginas have an internal reproductive system and we don’t need pubes for warmth, but they are vital to our health. They protect the vagina by stopping things like sweat and debris from entering the vaginal canal or the urethra and causing problems, like yeast infections and UTI’s.

See! Pubes are cool. Sadly, there is a ton of societal pressure to shave them off.

For some reason, people seem to think that pubic hair is something to be ashamed of and that it should be fully removed. All genders experience this pressure, but most of the pubic hair shame is directed at those of us who have vaginas.

During No Shave November, a time meant to raise awareness of prostate cancer and encourage people to donate, you can go on Twitter and see a billion comments reminding women that it’s not an excuse for them not to shave their body hair – specifically their pubes.

Listen up, I do NOT need you telling me how to care for my body or telling me how I have to treat my pubes. Just stop.

There are also some people who say things like, “I don’t want to get a hair in my mouth when I’m going down on someone.”

Dude.

You already have a vagina/penis in your mouth – bodily fluids and semen are fine, but a strand of hair is a hard no?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

Plus, I know you don’t floss the recommended amount of times, so maybe this can be a good thing for you.

Either way, wear your pubes the way you want too, and if a person is going to shame you for your natural body hair – they aren’t worth it, and you should just masturbate instead.

But if shaving your pubes makes you more confident and happier, then by all means go for it. Just make sure you are using a new razor and you’re shaving in the direction of the hair growth. This will prevent nicks and ingrown hairs.

Now, go give your pubes some love. Shave them into the shape of a shark and dye them purple. Be the most authentic you.

[Editor’s note: Due to the unfortunate stigma surrounding women discussing sex, the author of this column has requested to use the pseudonym “Kay Ann.”]

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