An open letter to evil

Every April 1 we celebrate the farce that is April Fool’s Day – a dedication to sadism, internet hoaxes, and societal hazing.

Let’s first take our focus on the sadistic aspect of April Fool’s Day by looking at the prominence of targeting those most trusting of others – children.

The dedication towards tricking children, particularly small children, the pure antagonism and betrayal of trust rampant in this “holiday,” of the next generation is deplorable.

From feeding innocent younglings vegetables covered in chocolate, to fake bills of sale claiming to send the children back to the cabbage farms or coal mines from where they were picked from, the actions of parents on this cursed day readily display the eagerness of human beings to revel in “innocent” cruelty, even to their own flesh and blood.

These sadistic activities are nothing less then a society-wide promotion of hazing, perpetrated every year, with challengers to the tradition being decried as “stick-in-the-muds” or “Gordon sit-alone-no-funs.”

Any other time of the year, saran wrapping toilets and waking others up with the sound of a chainsaw would be considered a toxic side effect of a hazing culture.

Not only is this sort of thing encouraged on April Fools, it has become and internet-wide phenomenon, with nearly every company on Twitter making some outrageous statement.

This is incompatible with the constantly connected world we live in, where the news cycle is 24 hours, and a new, supposedly life changing, story is both constantly appearing, and often outrageous.

Within the past month, major, well-respected news organizations, have run stories such as “Man Inadvertently Proves That Hipsters Look Alike By Mistaking Photo As Himself” (NPR), “Man lost in snow for five days survived on Taco Bell sauce packets” (Fox News), and “Facebook apologizes after mistaking Trump social media director for a bot” (CNN).

With stories like this being real, and internet hoaxes being propagated almost weekly, it’s not unreasonable that stories written for April Fool’s Day would be seen as real and probable causes for anxiety and paranoia for those who hadn’t yet realized that April Fool’s Day makes everything a joke.

But even if April Fool’s was just an offline experience, it’s still a harrowing ordeal for anyone who chooses to not engage in the revelry of predatory behavior.

Granted, everyone must be cautious to the extreme, looking out for the next prank being played, but more often than not, the less invested you are in the holiday – the bigger target you become to others.

Nothing elicits more joy on April Fool’s then to pull a prank on someone who will react poorly to something “innocent.”

I’ve had enough of it, and this is my open letter to anyone who will listen, politicians, pranksters, and the common folk of the Earth, we MUST end April Fool’s.

Think about the children.