SEXetera: The ins and outs of sexual pleasure

You know that feeling of joy when you receive a wonderful gift? Imagine if you could have that feeling anytime. Well, good news! You can!

And it’s called an orgasm.

Orgasms have a bunch of health benefits. They increase heart rate and blood flow, relieve headaches, strengthen your immune system, and even help you sleep. And since you can give them to yourself, there is really no reason not to have one.

Stress? It relieves that!

Sadness? It releases oxytocin!

Broke? It’s free!

Who needs modern medicine anyways?!

Just kidding, penicillin is great. Please vaccinate your children.

But anyways, now that we’ve talked about why orgasms are the best thing ever, let’s talk about the technical side – how to have one.

We’ll start with penis pleasure for all the people who have penises, people who like penises, and those who fall into both categories. Most of the nerve endings in this very sensitive body part are located in the head of the penis.

This means that you can give a great blowjob even if you have a gag reflex! You don’t have to choke yourself on a penis to give great oral. … Though if it’s your “thing” then by all means, go for it.

The two spots on the head of the penis that you should know about are the ridge around the head, known as the corona, and the spot on the underside of the penis, known as the frenulum, where the head meets the shaft. These spots can bring an extra intense sensation to the party.

Those spots are also easily stimulated with things like tongues or vibrators. For people who still have their foreskin, you can gently pull it back to reveal these pleasure centers, and while you’re at it, the foreskin is also a sweet spot so don’t ignore it.

Now, let’s talk about what to do with a vagina.

There’s a common misconception about people with vaginas – that we will orgasm with just a giant penis.

Let me tell you. This is wrong.

Just no.

The female g-spot is nothing more than a part of the clitoris that you can reach from inside the vagina, and it’s located about two inches inside the vaginal canal and it can be very pleasurable when stimulated.

The problem is only 70 to 90 percent of people with vaginas will never orgasm from straight-up penetrative sex, according to healthday.com.

Luckily there’s a solution!

That’s right! The external clitoris is a little hooded bump that can range from the size of a pea to the size of a lima bean, and it is directly above the vaginal opening on the outside of the body!

Its prime position means that it can be easily stimulated by mouths, fingers, or toys, and it is easily accessible from many sexual positions, so incorporating clitoral stimulation into traditional sex is a breeze!

Sexual pleasure varies person to person, so the best thing to do is get to know yourself and ask your partner about their preferences. Things like speed and pressure preference are very personal, but this conversation can be a form of foreplay, like asking your partner what they want you to do to them. Maybe you’ll find out that they really like nipple play. Now you know to bring your nipple clamps! So convenient!

Also, I know I did not talk about butt stuff, but believe me, it’s cumming.

Now go have an orgasm, you deserve it!

[Editor’s note: Due to the unfortunate stigma surrounding women discussing sex, the author of this column has requested to use the pseudonym “Kay Ann.”]

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